WHY ATHLETES CAN'T HAVE REGULAR JOBS:

1.  Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model:
   "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me."

2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:
   "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."

3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skin's say:
   "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl,"
    Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."

4. Torrin Polk, of receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins:
   "He treat us like mens. He let us wear earrings.."

5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann:
   "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

6. Senior basketball player at the   of :
   "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."   (Now that is beautiful)

7. Bill Peterson, a football coach:
   "You guys line up alphabetically by height.."  And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle."

8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison:
   "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not ."

9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."

10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota:
     "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is."

11.   , State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice:
     "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt.   (I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in uary)

12. , Jazz president, on a former player:
     "I asked him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?'
        He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'"

13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D:
     "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."

14. In the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford:
     "I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious."

15. Former   Oilers coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips,
     Phillips responded: "Because she's too damn ugly to kiss good-bye."