BEST STORY OF THE YEAR

The best story of the year doesn't give the proper praise and credit for this painful but understandable story as told by a loving wife........

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise  for answered prayers. Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium.
     
She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Ted had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."
 
You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Ted must have experienced. "Ted was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain."
We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Ted's scrotum,  and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."

Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they  imagined the horrible surgery performed on Ted. "Now," she announced in a  quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Ted is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."

All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Ted Smith."
The entire congregation held its breath.
"I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum."

It's Friday

An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.'

His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?' The old man replied, 'its fart football.'

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, 'Touchdown, tie score...'

After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, 'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.'

Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, 'Touchdown, tie score.'

Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, 'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.' Now the pressure is on for the old man.

He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.

Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally poops in the bed.

The wife says, 'What the hell was that?'

The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides

Meanwhile, In Canada...